Trying to Adjust
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: With Severide living in Casey's home, Casey now tries to find a balance between offering continued support and stepping back a little. But as he sees Severide slowly spiraling downward, can he just step back? Or will his interference strain their friendship? Missing broment scene. Based off eppy 3.02 'Wow Me' Contains some spoilers


**Title: Trying to Adjust **

**Summary: **With Severide living in Casey's home, Casey now tries to find a balance between offering continued support and stepping back a little. But as he sees Severide slowly spiraling downward, can he just step back? Or will his interference strain their friendship? Missing broment scene. Based off eppy 3.02 'Wow Me' Contains some spoilers

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a few sweet broments EVERY single eppy!

**A/N:** So yeah I know the barfy proposal was in there lol (hey its not the first time a TV show has created a lame couple *sigh* - the rest of just have to endure said lameness). However, never fear that we'll of course only focus on what matters most! Our boys! And sadly the broments were so anemic compared to last week *sigh*….uh when did Casey sell his home? Goodness it's the small details that also matter. So hope you all like this and enjoy!

_Note: "Words in double quotes and italics taken directly from the eppy" (as always 'single quotes recall memories/flashbacks' and without are thoughts)_

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><p>He had finally convinced Severide to have dinner with them but it wasn't exactly the triumphant moment he had been hoping for. Dinner that night could be described as strained at best, with Severide eating only a few mouthfuls, muttering that it was good but reaching for his third beer and telling his friend a whole other story. Casey hadn't said anything as the last thing he wanted was a fight during what was supposed to be some peaceful downtime but he's not sure how long he can go, just watching Severide slowly disintegrate into an emotional black hole from which he fears he'll be unable to pull him out of.<p>

"You…wanna go for a run?" Casey asks as he comes into the living room; tapping Severide on the shoulder as sits staring absently at the TV. Severide looks up and shakes his head and then dips his head and directs his gaze back to whatever mindless entertainment is on TV. "Kelly…"

"I'm just…tired. Maybe another night."

Casey heads for the nearby couch and slumps down, looking at Severide in concern. "Trying to not mother you but…"

"Then stop already!" Severide lightly hisses before he slumps back and then rubs his face. "Matt, I'm sorry the past few days have been…I don't know…I just don't know."

"You've hardly been here," Casey softly reminds him.

"Yeah…just been busy. Around…you know," Severide replies as Casey looks at him in mild disbelief, his mind recalling a conversation he had with Hermann the day before.

_"Severide still staying at your place?"_

_"Yeah. Why?"_

_"Ah, he was in Molly's last night. 10 sheets to the wind. He say anything about it?"_

_"No. I haven't seen him. He's been crashing at Lindsay's."_

_"Yeah. Guys on first watch said he came in last night after the bar time and went to sleep in the bunk area until shift started. Second time this week."_

_"I'll check in with him. Thanks."_

After that he had sought out his friend and asked Severide to go for a drink and Severide made an excuse, one that he could see right through thanks to the new information that Hermann had provided.

_"Hey. You wanna get some dinner tomorrow? After shift?"_

_"Let's to it another night. I'm meeting up with Lindsay again."_

And that was it. A bold faced lie. Of course he didn't have time to call his friend on it in that moment and he couldn't exactly get after him for lying without being called a hypocrite himself in return. So he had made a mental note after that to keep a closer eye on his friend.

However, Casey had promised Severide the day he moved in with them that he wouldn't be his constant watch mate or mother or even would-be jailor and that as long as he didn't end up in a ditch or wrapped around a tree from driving home drunk or it affected him on shift then he wouldn't be overly restrictive. But at the same time, watching him slowly slipping further into emotional mire and lying to him wasn't easy either. He'd have to find a balance. But when?.

"How about we go for that run. No shift tomorrow so we can just run and tire ourselves out and then sleep in," Casey suggests as Severide's finger just mechanically pushes the buttons and scrolls through the TV channels without really caring what was on. Casey sits and waits in silence, his eyes taking turns darting between the TV and Severide's glum expression. Casey knows there's only so much he can push, so he figures he'd leave his friend and try again another night. But just as he stands up to leave, Severide surprises him by turning off the TV and looking up with a weak expression.

"You wanna go?" Casey asks softly as Severide nods in agreement. The two of them silently get ready for their run, the night air cool but clear and crisp and ready to host their emotionally distraught minds. Casey looks over at Severide's locked jaw and tightly clenched fists and tells himself that if anything, this would help them unwind a bit physically; the last few days stress just compounding Shay's absence.

Severide's mind replays his first day back, seeing Sylvie Brett, Shay's replacement and how in that moment his heart raced a bit faster that his nightmare of Shay's death was something he was finally waking up from, while at the same moment, his mind was trying to argue with him saying no, it was just a cruel trick and she was gone – this new EMT now a daily reminder of what he had lost.

"Damn Boden," Severide curses under his breath as they start their run, his testy words prompting Casey to look over in wonder.

"Boden?" Casey gently prods.

"He's the one that brought Brett on!"

"It wasn't to…"

"What?" Severide snaps as their pace slightly slows. "He wasn't the one to bring on someone that purposely looks like my dead best friend? Seeing her every day and remembering what I lost! Really? Okay then so who's call was IT?" His voice snaps at Casey who pulls back with a surprised expression. "Ah…forget it!"

"Hey man I get it," Casey is quick to add, gesturing with his head for them to keep going.

"I'm done. I'm going back."

"Just a bit longer. I'm afraid of the dark," Casey gently snickers. But his lame attempt at humor is lost on his friend's muddled mind and Severide merely nods and continues; Casey's brow gently furrowing. "After Hallie's death it was tough to see anyone that looked like her…sounded like her…heck even had the same name. I was always thinking it's not fair. They're here, why isn't she?" Casey's dissertation concludes in a softer tone.

"Everything just seems so messed up now. Shay's gone and now…she was the one person who…" his voice falters as he slightly stumbles. The two of them pause as Severide pulls away a few feet and looks at the twinkling skyline in the distance; his heart rate elevated and face flushed. "Everything just seems so fleeting you know? Every day you tell yourself…this day will be good…this day will be normal and…and then something happens that completely blows that idea to hell and it's like…why care about anything…anyone. The less you care, the less hurt and pain you'll experience."

Casey looks over just as Severide's lips start to quiver, his throat quickly swallows and his eyes quickly brush away a few oncoming tears. "Kelly…"

"Think I get it now."

"Just don't start to think about doing something reckless either," Casey lightly warns as Severide nods but doesn't look over at him.

"51 is…"

"Kelly…"

"The damn place is cursed!" Severide shouts, drawing the attention of two onlookers as they approach on the street. He shakes his head and mutters an _'it's all good' _as he passes by; the other two continuing on their way as Casey also offers a friendly but strained smile.

"It's not 51's fault! All Houses have their problems," Casey tries to reason.

"Andy, Vargas, Shay…Jones…you know what…"

"Okay, hold on a sec," Casey stops them both, their warm breath making distinct trails in the cool night air, lingering above their heads. "It was just bad luck, that's all. Don't start to make more of something that…"

"Matt…"

"It's just bad luck!" Casey insists with a persistent tone.

"Maybe it's me."

"Ah damn," Casey growls as he shakes his head and looks at Severide with a firm expression. "It's not you okay? It's just coincidence whatever. You know we are the masters of our own destiny. You're the one always telling me that so now I'm reminding you of that."

"I gotta shut up more!" Severide snaps as he looks away once more. "I went by the building yesterday. Where um…where it happened."

"What? Ah damn Kelly…" Casey's voice dies out. He'd ask why but he knows that after Hallie's death, he went by the burnt out medical clinic more than he even confessed to his friends.

"Not going to tell me to stay away?"

"No, but I will ask why you went alone? Did you go inside?"

"No I uh…I just sat in the car and stared at the damn thing. Part of me kept expecting her to walk out and laugh, telling me this was all a joke. It is a joke. It's been over one month and I'm still thinking nonsense!" He ends with a small huff. "Damn that place still haunts me. I see her there…lying on the ground not moving…and then…then she opens her eyes and I lose it."

"I've heard a few times," Casey acknowledges softly, Severide finally looking over in wonder. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Sorry. I just didn't want to make you feel self-conscious about it in any way. This just needs to pass and you'll see that while it sucks it wasn't your fault in any way."

"Matt…"

"No. It wasn't okay?" Casey presses firmly, his expression softening as Severide's eyes threaten to well. "She wouldn't want you doing this, constantly blaming yourself for a decision she made."

"It shouldn't have been her," Severide grits his teeth as he shakes his head. "Shouldn't have been her."

"Kelly…"

Then without warning, he pulls away and starts into a very fast sprint, Casey's lungs heaving as he tries to keep up. Severide keeps up the brisk sprint for about five more minutes, before Casey has to call out to get him to slow his pace.

"Hold…up," Casey pants as he slows his pace. But Severide doesn't listen, instead he turns and charges down a darkened alley, disappearing around a corner and out of view. Casey doesn't pursue, merely lets his friend have his time to blow off a bit of added stead; his mind directing him to turn around and head back home. Which he does.

As soon as he nears the entranceway to his new home, he slows his pace considerably, dropping to a fast walk and then a casual step; stopping just as he reaches the end and spying Severide waiting for him on the in front of their apartment building.

"Sorry I just…" Severide starts as Casey puts his hand up to stop his unnecessary apology.

"You needed to burn off steam alone. I get it. Just glad you made it back here in one piece," Casey states firmly as he gestures for them to enter. He follows after his friend and notices the slight scuffling on his knuckles and frowns, his mind remembering that they weren't there to begin with. But he doesn't make a fuss – this time. He'd pick his battles. He closes the door and watches Severide slowly trudge toward the spare bedroom and disappear inside; Shay's death was slowing eating away at his friend and he was powerless to stop it completely.

But he tells himself that at least he's locking up their home with Severide safely inside; instead of the past few nights where he's wandered in at 4am, had a few hours of sleep and then expected to go to work and not injure someone on the job – possibly himself. Could he put an end to that without sending Severide away, alone…with no one to keep an eye on his self-destructive actions? He knows in his heart he can't or he'd run the risk of losing another friend for good.

So with a heavy heart, he turns off the light and does the same thing he does every night, offer a prayer that tomorrow will be better – for all of them.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning, Severide once again disappears early and Casey has to keep his mind occupied on things around the home to keep himself from pulling his phone and dialing Severide to just 'checkup' on him. But it's easier said than done as he finds his mind worrying to the point that he nearly drives a shiv into the fleshy part of his palm.

"Ah damn," Casey growls as he slumps down on a small stool and stares absently at the wooden bookshelf he's trying to fix. He had thought moving into their new place would be just routine but now with Shay's death and Severide living there on a temporary basis, his priorities shifted – offering emotional support was at the top of the list now.

So with a hesitant breath, he pulls his phone and sends his friend a casual text. _'Wanna meet at the Marina for lunch?' _And then puts his phone away to keep himself from literally sending another one and driving a potential wedge of friction between them. Severide was trying to adjust to life after his best friend's death and he was trying to adjust with having a broken friend so close to the edge; teetering before he falls off the emotional precipice.

But Severide doesn't text back and Casey's mind worries further. So he picks up the hammer and tries to get back to work on the lopsided shelf. But he can't; his mind is too focused on thoughts as to why Severide was delayed in answering. Was he ignoring on purpose? Maybe the phone was turned off? Maybe he was injured? Maybe…_maybe like the run last night he just needs some time to himself._

So Casey once again reaches for the hammer and forces himself to get back to the task as hand, before he was interrupted by his own thoughts. This time he's able to focus on the small renovation and do so without the potential for injuring himself due to distraction. But as the seconds slowly tick into minutes and the minutes drag into hours, Casey's mind continues to spiral downward as he pictures Severide back at the cabin, passed out on the floor in a drunken stupor. Having time to kill and wanting to ease his agitated mind, Casey quickly puts away his tools and heads downstairs to his truck.

The weather is surprisingly cooperative and so a drive out of the city limits actually serves to soothe his worried mind. He remembers the first few days after Shay's passing and how Severide had admitted to him that he'd just pass out wherever he could find something soft to sleep on. It wasn't until Casey suggested the cabin that he finally took him up on the offer and hid himself away until Casey finally paid him a visit a month later.

_'Get away from me Matt…'_ he remembers Severide's harsh tone as he tried to pry him away from Shay's gravestone a few hours after the outside service had been completed. _'I'm not...leaving! GET AWAY!'_

But Casey had remained at his side until it was almost too dark to see and was happy when Severide didn't give him much fuss when he went to pull him away and take him someplace warm and dry; dew already having started to form on his dark blue dress jacket. The ceremony for Leslie Shay was simple as she had wanted, but dignified and fitting and surrounded by lots of family and friends.

It tears at him now as he remembers Severide trying to hold it together during the service but a few moments before it ended and he was afraid Severide's knees were about to literally buckle, he edged closer, reached out and grasped his forearm with his hand, just to steady him. In that moment, he felt Severide's trembling stop but the tears never did. Those he never tried to stop as he knows expelling inner emotion is more beneficial than holding it in and waiting to explode at a later moment.

The funeral was hard on all of them as it signaled final closure and that it really was the end. But as he had suspected and of course predicted, Severide took it the hardest. After that he went off the grid and once again Casey can only berate himself for not checking in sooner.

He finally reaches the cabin and stops. He doesn't see a car, a bike…any signs that a vehicle had been up there in a few days.

"Kelly? Hey Kelly! You around here?" Casey calls out loudly as he pulls away from his truck and heads toward the front door of the quiet cabin. No smell of wood smoke, no sounds of life…no evidence of any kind that Severide had been there in the past few days. But even still, he knocks on the door and then goes around to check the windows just to be sure.

Casey doesn't start to panic just yet, instead he follows the path down to the waterfront to see if perhaps Severide had gone to see the guy across the water, the one that had offered him part of his marine business.

Nothing.

He lingers by the placid shoreline for a few moments, the idyllic setting pulling at his mind as he pictures Severide down here alone, beer in hand and pondering all the bad he's faced at 51 instead of dwelling on the good. _Andy…Hallie…Jones…Shay…_plus others who hadn't actually perished but had their life altered resulting from a mishap in the line of duty.

_'Matt!'_

Casey's body gently jerks from the tormented but silent cry for help from his friend, his eyes darting nervously around but finding nothing that would lead him to the source of the call. He finally pulls himself back together and heads back toward his truck, telling himself that maybe Severide went to another favorite place and that he'd see him for dinner.

The plan wouldn't come to fruition.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey buddy you've had enough."

Severide's glassy stare looks up at the strange face and offers an angry expression as he looks back down at the empty glass in his grasp.

"You…have no right to tell me when I've had enough!" Severide's voice snaps, his slurred retort drawing a few curious looks in his direction. "Only one person had that right…and she's…she's gone," he huffs as he looks around, staring at the various faces for a few seconds before he looks back at the bartender and then slams his stout glass on the well-worn manicured table.

"I'm a paying customer and I want another," he demands with a small hiss as the bartender reaches for the bottle of whisky.

"You can have another but if you even think about trying to drive home in this condition, I'm calling the cops."

"Fine…whatever…I don't really give a damn!" Severide barks as the golden poison slowly climbs to the half way mark of the glass. His muddled brain searches back into the deep recesses, remembering Casey's words about not doing something that would endanger his life. _'If I heard that you tried to drive home drunk, I will put you up for suspension myself!'_

"He doesn't understand," Severide whispers as he takes a hearty swig of his drink and then turns his gaze toward any single females in the near distance. Nothing. So he turns back to his glass with a soured expression; his heart starting to race from having only copious amounts of alcohol in it, but nothing substantial in the way of food to buffer the acidic attack. _Casey doesn't understand…he doesn't get it, _he falsely reasons as he takes the last gulp and then tries to get the bartenders attention once more.

He didn't know how long he had been there and nor did he even care. He had no place to call home, he didn't want to go back to Casey's and be subjected to well-meaning affection, he just wanted to dwell on the fact that life's not fair and why even bother planning for tomorrow when it could be taken away just like that.

"Hey!" Severide calls out once more; the bartender glancing back and nodding before he turns back to his present task at hand. Severide's lips offer a bitter curse as he pulls out his phone and looks at a picture of him and Shay, a selfie taken a few weeks back, just after she had announced her Plan B. A baby…something to bond them for life. But that plan would never come to fruition – she was gone, along with all their hopes for the future. The memories of the past remain but they were now more bitter than sweet, eating away at his core with each second that passes by.

_She wanted so much from life…she was going to make a new start…find someone great and just…settle. _He remembers them sitting on the couch a few nights before the accident; something they had done on a regular basis since they first moved in together. His eyes start to well and not wanting to break down into some kind of blubbering fool in front of a sea of strangers, he quickly wipes his eyes and scolds himself for being so weak in public. _SUCK IT UP! _He inwardly yells as he tries to get the attention of the bar tender once more.

But unbeknownst to him, the kindly bartender was on the phone – calling for help. When the bartender is assured that help is on the way, a close friend and trusted confidant, he puts in an order to his waitress for some strong coffee and then heads back to Severide with a heavy frown.

"I have something better on deck. Just wait a few more minutes."

"Yeah whatever. I have no place to go."

"Home?" The older man arches his brows.

"Home…I have no damn home! It's just an empty shell full of misery and….crap like that," his voice dies out as he looks back down to the phone in his grasp, his fingers fiddling with the scroll feature and finding another picture that literally rips his heart out. "Home is gone," he whispers as he looks back up. His blurry gaze fixes on the clock, his mind trying to make sense of the hands and what the actual hour might be.

But he looks away in haste, not caring about the time as he knows tomorrow is a day off and why bother trying to rest up when he could just stay up as long as he wanted; Boden wouldn't have any reason to scold him if he's not on the job. Casey on the other hand might have a few choice words but he had come to expect that from his paranoid friend.

"What the hell is this?" Severide asks sharply as the bar tender places a mug of steaming black coffee down in front of him in place of another round of whisky. "I'm not done yet."

"This is my place and I say you are," the bartender replies in a firm but kind tone.

Severide tries to argue back but the man turns his back and the curse is left to die in the air. He looks down into the black coffee as his mind conjures up another bittersweet memory.

_'Okay try this.'_

_'Shay…'_

_'Don't Shay me until you try this.'_

She had insisted and then offered a triumphant grin when he was forced to admit it tasted better than their current stuff and she said it was decaf and their new breakfast drink of choice. He had given in just to make her happy. That thought forces his eyes to water once more and his throat to have trouble swallowing the cream tainted caffeine caught on his palate. He finally manages to get it down but it burns until it splashes into the pit of his stomach, forcing his fingers to tighten around his phone to an almost painful degree.

He mind starts to sink back into the mire of emotional guilt, telling himself it should have been her or she shouldn't have been in there or something else that could lead to something self-destructive. But before he can hit rock bottom, a firm hand rests on his shoulder prompting him to look up in wonder.

Casey looks down at Severide in torment as Severide looks up in defeat. "Come on, let's go home," he whispers in a warm tone as he pays for Severide's bar tab and helps his friend stand up.

"I'm fine."

"I'm not asking," Casey replies with a tone that tells his friend he's too tired to argue and it wasn't the time to push back.

"Matt…" Severide tries to mildly protest as Casey's hand offers a supportive grasp on his upper bicep and helps him remain upright. "She's…gone."

"I know," Casey answers simply as he nods to the bartender and then slowly directs Severide toward the front doors and then outside into the cool very early morning air. The darkness briefly embraces them but then pulls its arms back as they get into Casey's truck and slowly drive away.

On the way back to the apartment, Severide softly laments Shay's passing as Casey silently listens; his mind hoping that Severide will stay awake long enough to at least help walk himself inside. He knows his friend's pain…at least part of and knows it wasn't going to go away anytime soon. They were both still trying to adjust and right now it was now looking like a very long uphill battle.

**THE END!**

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><p><strong>AN:** So where do I start? We had such great broments last week (despite Shay's passing) and this week they're up to their old tricks. It wasn't a total wash as some previous seasons eppy's have been but I was expecting more. But I hope that this OS continued from last week's OS in an plausible way and that you all liked it and I would love your reviews before you go and thanks so much!


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